Stoop Philosophies

front porch philosophies from an "ordinary" life

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Dude! Where's my soap?

 I don't know how or even when it happened, but one day there suddenly were no more bars of soap in the house and what we were left to shower with was something called body wash and a thingamajig called a "pouf" (which I finally learned the name of after about two years of using the damn thing). When it ultimately came unravelled, I would tell my wife I need a new shower thingy, somehow she always knew exactly what I was talking about.

 I really think this was some nation(or world) -wide conspiracy by the women of our households to take control of the bathrooms of America(or the world). No one saw it coming, well at least I didn't... one day a bar of soap, the next a "pouf" I thought it was bad enough having all the bottles of shampoo and conditioner lining the tub, now we all (all of us in the house who shower have our own bottle of soap-oops! I mean, body wash) Of course these plastic bottles all filled to varying capacities inevitably get knocked around inside the tub and out every time someone moves the shower curtain to get in or out. Not to mention all the "pouf"s hanging in the shower, it's getting a little crowded in there folks.
And why do women, at least the women in my household need more than one bottle of so-(uh) body wash or shampoo? I tend to use one til its done then get another, but "they" seem to get close to the end but not quite and then get another so now there are two, sometimes three bottles of BW for each of them as well as two or three shampoo bottles for each of them and then they each have a conditioner, because lo! why should anyone share anything around here? Sometimes there are also these little boutique-y bottles of "special" BW that someone gave to them in a gift basket maybe five years ago (probably me) What about the Earth people??? All this plastic!

 Having said all this, I do understand the reasons for getting rid of the soap- the little hairs stuck to the diminishing bar was kind of gross and the mess it made even if you tried to contain it in a dish was a bear to clean, or so my wife tells me...

But back to this "pouf" thing. What the hell is it and where did it come from? Gotta be the damn French! Right? These things were not made for men. Mine always seem to come unravelled at a much quicker pace than anyone else's. I know, I can see them all hanging there, mocking me. So...
now there are some companys trying to make the "pouf"( I am physically unable to print this word without the " ") a little more manly. Have you seen these things? They are some futuristic looking triangle shaped amalgamation of the "pouf" and some old hard washcloth left over from the seventies, before people knew about thread counts and such. The "pouf" is cut in half and place in the center of a semi-hard rubber triangular...what looks like some tabletop mass communication device maybe from Star Trek or the like. The other side has an almost sandpaper quality washcloth sewn or fused in or laser-attached, it all looks very high-tech but is incredibly low(brow)-tech. While I appreciate the attempt at "manning up" the adorable "pouf", I have to say this was a swing and a miss, let's try again. This means you Dove and Axe.

...and that's all I have to say about that.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Dick Van Dyke may have had it right...

  I am referring to the seperate beds of course.

I used to think it was weird and incredibly prudish  when watching those old reruns and the couples had seperate beds- The DVD show is the only that one that immediately comes to mind, but I know there were others. I believe there was even an FCC rule that forbade TV shows to show a couple in bed together(please correct if wrong) I remember hearing once that it was a big deal when MTM showed her slender ankles wearing those tight-fitting capris she seemed so fond of... how far we have come, huh?

 As I've grown older and spent a good deal of time trying to sleep next to someone every night, I have come to envy Rob and Laura's set-up, I would actually endeavour to take it a step further and relocate to a whole other room to partake in the sweet slumber.

My wife likes to sleep with the TV on, she seems to be comforted by the light and hum coming from the tube... I don't know, this is maddening to me.
Firstly, late-night viewing has become as much of a wasteland as daytime programming, but we are here for sleeping right? The continuous flashing of images and light changes bombards me and seems multiplied by thousands when I am trying to sleep and I can never turn the volume down enough without muting and if I do that, she stirs or wakes, wondering what is going on.
 I would rather lie in bed reading for a bit to relax then switch off the lights and drift off, if only...

Back to Rob and Laura, they always seemed happy right? All those old TV couples did... Meanwhile my parents are divorced as are most of my friends and relatives parents and I'm sure they never slept in seperate beds. I know my parents did not. Just sayin'...

I wonder if even the mere suggestion of such a thing would lead to finding myself joing the throngs of divorcees. Well at least I would get to what I wanted in the bed...well most of what I want to do in the boudoir...

That's all I have to say about that.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


So... I have a lot of ideas, tidbits, chits and orts floating around in my brain and have decided to create a dumping ground for all this "information" Wheteher this is useful or not will be left up to you the reader. Please read and share, repost comment or ignore as we go along.
We'll talk soon...